A hectic week of Foley news was coming
to an end. I've been sitting on my Ikea pleather (excuse me,
Naugahyde) sofa remote surfing for news on Mark Foley, but already
the scandal is dying down.
Mark Foley, who was outed by The
Advocate in 1996, was typical gay Republican: complete denial. Not
only was the Congressman unable to admit publicly to being gay, his
politics, power and self-loathing had completely sealed him in,
forcing him to seek his gay identity on the internet. Foley chaired
the Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus and pushed to pass the
Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act in 2005, yet used his
power to exploit teen-age boys in the Congressional page program.
Ironically, the FBI is investigating to see if Foley violated his own
My fingers dance on the remote
searching for programs still delivering Foley news.
The phone rings, “What'cha doing?”
“Eating a spinach salad, Spinaci
et Pollo alla Pomodoro Puttanesca. It's an Italian marinated
grilled chicken breast atop a bed of spinach with a wonderful
homemade tomato vinaigrette with plums, peaches and just a touch of
e-coli,” I explain.
“Di-lish, can you make that for me?”
I laugh. Then think, “It's funny,
'cause it's sad.”
“You coming down to the Plastic Pony
for a beer?” Dan asks.
“Can't,” I respond. “I have an
OTM server down.”
“Why do you insist on buying all your
servers from brokenservers.com?” Dan asks.
“I buy all my servers at
brokenservers.com because they offer free shipping,” I return.
“You'd think you could run that
crackerjack OTM website off a cellphone!”
“In fact, I'm working on a Foley
angle for OTM,” I reply as I switch over to Fox News Sunday
where former House Speaker Newt Gingrich is delivering the latest
Republican angle. “Had they overly aggressively reacted to the
initial round,” Newt claims, “they would also have been accused
of gay bashing.”
“You can come down for one beer,”
“I'm in the middle of scandal!” I
“Those OTM Qpeeps turn on you?”
“Nooooo, Mark Foley...” I begin.
“Wait. Wait. I'm getting an instant
message,” Dan digs at me.
On the tube, National Gay and Lesbian
Task Force director Matt Foreman is pushing back, “It's absurd
given that Republican House leadership has never shied away from
bashing gay people.”
“Yes, that Mark Foley. The scandal is
sooo good. It's Chocolate Tres Leches Cake good!”
“A gay Republican
cake?” Dan questions.
metaphor is appropriate,” I suggest. “The irony that the
Republican's power in Congress might be impaired due to a gay
scandal when gay bashing disguised as moral values elevated them to
power in the first place is just dessert.”
“Yeah, well Paul
is gonna be at the Pony, you need to come,” Dan whimpers.
Matt Foreman continues, “What's clear
is that the House leadership elevated holding onto a seat above the
interests of young people in the page system. And they want to talk
about moral values? Please.”
“I can't - it's server, Foley and an
early String Theory Club meeting,” I announce.
“So you'll need to stop in at the
“Yes, I will,” I conclude.