In a cover interview with UK LGBT
glossy Attitude, out actor Colton Haynes said that coming out
gay started his downward spiral with addiction.
The 30-year-old Haynes appears on the
cover Attitude's 25th anniversary issue.
Haynes, who came out in 2016, said: “I
came out and, in a way, my downward spiral started. I felt extremely
free but at the same time the amount of attention I was getting was
making me spin out of control.”
“I got married and that didn't work
out,” he added, referring to his 6-month marriage to Jeff Leatham.
“That was extremely public and heart-breaking, and right when that
was going on, my mom died.”
Haynes' mother, Dana, died from
alcohol-related cirrhosis in March 2018.
"At that point, I fell apart. My
brain broke. I was doing a massive comedy for a studio, showed up to
work and got fired on the first day. They said I looked as if I had
'dead in my eyes', and I did. I got so heavily involved with drugs
and alcohol to mask the amount of pain I was feeling that I couldn’t
even make some decisions for myself. I was drowning in my own shit,”
After a seven-day drug and alcohol
spree, Haynes, who had previously been in rehab for addiction,
entered a four-month treatment program.
Haynes said that he was found at a
hotel, looking “as if somebody had beaten the shit” out of him.
“I was on such a destructive path that I could not function,” he
“Once I went to treatment, I found
this amazing amount of true love for myself, and started figuring out
who I am without those vices, and recognizing the people in my life
who lifted me up instead of tearing me down,” Haynes said.
"I’m always going to be in
recovery. There are so many people struggling out there, but not a
lot of them talk about it. Life is much more beautiful than I could
have imagined. It's just a different life now. It's the best gift
I've ever been given,” he said.
Haynes said that he's been sober for