The acting mayor of Hell, Michigan,
says he took a cue from President Donald Trump and banned “radical
heterosexuals” from entering his town.
Elijah Daniel, an out YouTube comedian,
paid $100 to be declared mayor of Hell.
“I was looking for a town willing to
make me mayor,” Daniel told HuffPost.
“They'll do it in Hell for $100, so I caught a redeye to Michigan
and got sworn in.”
“My ban is a copy-and-paste of
Trump's Muslim ban, but with heterosexuals instead,” he explained.
Daniel said his ban was needed to
protect the gays.
“I am establishing new vetting
measures to keep radical heterosexuals out of our town,” his decree
reads. “We want to ensure that we are not admitting into our town
the very heterosexual threats we are fighting against. The straights
coming into our town, procreating, having more straight children to
take our rightfully gay jobs. We only want to admit those into our
town who will support our town and love deeply our people. I
currently feel as if it would just be safer to ban all
heterosexuality until we can assess the situation further and build a
strategy to resolve our problems.”
Current heterosexual residents must pay
an $84,000 “reproductive precautionary deposit,” which will be
returned after one year of “abstinence from any heterosexual
Additionally, heterosexuals must
undergo reparative therapy to turn them gay. Those who do not
undergo the therapy must wear a “scarlet H” and stand in the town
center wearing cargo shorts.
Daniel was impeached shortly after he
introduced his ban.
“That's actually not a problem,” he
said. “Everyone who becomes mayor there gets impeached. Most of
the people who visit are same-sex couples who want to be married in