In a cover story for UK gay glossy Attitude, out YouTube personality Tyler Oakley talks about feeling “unlovable” as a teen.

Oakley, 28, told the magazine that body image issues as a teen led to an eating disorder.

“It was a time when I was unsure about myself and insecure,” Oakley said. “I would look at myself, based on my size, or how I looked, and I would see this disconnect.”

“I thought I was unlovable, and not just to others but to myself. I thought: this fucking sucks and here I am and this is what I have to deal with and this will be forever. It ruled my life.”

Oakley added that such disorders never really go away.

“It's just something you learn to deal with better,” he said. “And just because it's not part of your every-day, every-minute thing anymore, it doesn't mean it's gone.”

The May issue of Attitude also includes interviews with Joanne the Scammer and Todrick Hall.