In an op-ed in Sunday's The New York
Times, a gay dad describes his worst fear of coming out as the
feeling he would be giving up on his dream of someday being a dad.
the piece, Marcus Mabry, a man in his mid-40s and an
editor-at-large at the paper, said growing up there was no such thing
as gay parenting.
“I didn't have a choice, of course.
Most gay men of my generation came out when we simply could not stand
the lying or daily self-denial any longer. Still, I mourned for
myself and for the children I would never have.”
“Even having decided … that God had
made me as I am, somewhere I still felt that being denied fatherhood
was punishment for being gay.”
“When I turned 40 I decided it was
time,” Mabry wrote.
“Of course, career, philanthropy,
extended family, working to improve the world can all be immensely
gratifying pursuits, but – for me – I believe that building a
family and leaving children as a legacy would be my best-lived life.
And even though he didn't think it a necessity, my partner was
thrilled, if filled with trepidation, about trying surrogacy.”
“And our boys are the best part of
our lives. They are our little miracles.”