Singer Ricky Martin says he struggled with his sexual orientation in a new VH1 Behind the Music special set to air on Sunday.

Martin came out gay last year on his blog – writing that he was “a fortunate homosexual man” – and subsequently talked about his experience in his memoir Me. But the 39-year-old entertainer denied for years rumors he was gay.

In Sunday's one-hour special, the Living La Vida Loca singer talks about his struggle.

“I was trying to believe so hard from the bottom of my heart that I was not gay because what I was presenting on stage was not that,” Martin says. “So it was very confusing.

According to a press release, the special will cover “how he balances his life as a father of twin boys and as an international performer.”

“In this Behind the Music, Rick Martin recounts his career from his early days with the Latin pop group Menudo through his days as a soap opera star and finally to his career as a music phenomenon.”