Producer Fred M. Caruso died Monday in Las Vegas of an apparent suicide.

The 41-year-old Caruso was best known for producing off-Broadway shows The Big Gay Musical and Newsical The Musical and for writing and directing the 2011 film Go Go Crazy.

Caruso posted a farewell on Facebook, Variety reported.

He said that with the exception of when he's creating, he's been “absolutely miserable” for most of his life.

“I have nothing left in me to create. I truly don't think I have any idea what love or happiness is,” he wrote. “I have produced great theater, movies (two of which I wrote and directed) and I traveled all over the world. I regret nothing especially the choice that I am making now.”

“I hate meeting new people and I'm always waiting for someone to stab me in the back – let's just say I have a whole culinary collection. To be clear, I haven't forgiven anyone. All the grudges I've carried for years – I continue to carry. To those people that I hate – I hope I have the ability to haunt you for the rest of your lives,” he added.

Friend and writing partner Rick Crom confirmed the death in a Facebook post.

“Fred M. Caruso has left us by his own choice,” he wrote. “As an artist Fred was a tortured soul and ultimately that pain took him from us.”

Caruso discouraged his friends from planning tributes and requested donations to the Trevor Project, an LGBT youth suicide prevention group based in Los Angeles, in place of a memorial service.