Out actor Danny Pintauro says in a new
op-ed that he disclosed his HIV status to his husband on their first
date.
Pintauro, a former child star best
known for playing Jonathan Bower on Who's the Boss, announced
in September that he's been living with HIV for 12 years. He came
out gay in 1997.
In
an Out.com column titled Louder Than The Bombs, Pintauro
says that sharing his HIV status with men was difficult.
“For me, the most excruciating part
of being HIV-positive has been telling a boy about it. I was always
convinced he wouldn't want to see me anymore if I told him my status,
yet I was incapable of moving forward – especially sexually –
without telling him. And if I didn’t tell him right away, would he
be angry? Would he decide to call the Enquirer on this former
child star? It was emotionally exhausting. More exhausting than
worrying about my health or viral load. So exhausting that I decided,
for years, to date only men who were also positive – it eliminated
the fear and gave us something we could both relate to.”
Pintauro later changed his mind, saying
that “strictly dating positive men was too exclusive, and limiting
my options.”
After moving to Las Vegas, he met his
future husband, Wil. Their first date was going so well, Pintauro
said, that he “had to tell him.”
“Typically, this was the moment when
my latent fear crept in and my default mode of heavy breaths and a
pounding heart took over as I prepared to drop the bomb. Yet I
learned from experience that all that buildup never worked. It made
me look uncomfortable, and it made the whole thing seem especially
scary – which isn’t a good way to start with someone unfamiliar
with HIV. So I didn’t drop a bomb; I simply dropped the topic into
conversation: 'Yeah, moving here was a really big change,' I said.
'All of my best friends are in L.A. I had a great house and a
terrific doctor. I don’t even know if Vegas has any HIV-focused
doctors...'”
“And that was it.”
“To the HIV-positive guy out there
who’s worried he’ll never find love, remember: You are not a
deadly weapon. And to the HIV-negative guy who’s afraid to date
someone positive: Consider lowering your guard. All love can be
scary, but no love is doomed to be fatal,” he concluded.