In a Funny or Die skit, Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann reveals the real reason behind her retirement and Marcus Bachmann insists he's not gay.

“My good friends, after a great deal of thought and deliberation I've decided that next year I will not seek a fifth congressional term to represent the wonderful people of the sixth district of Minnesota,” the Michele character says in the spoof. “My decision was not made because I think I will lose the election. I beat Jim Graves by a huge margin of 1 percent. And I know I would beat him again, even if I wouldn't.”

Later, an actor playing Michele's husband, Marcus, pokes himself into the frame to offer unconvincing evidence that he's not gay.

“Hi, Marcus again, from behind the candelabra. Listen, let me be clear about something: I hate gay people. And no, I am not gay. For instance, I would never picture myself in an Italian villa covered in nothing but lasagna noodles, beckoning my lover to come spray his man-marinara all over me. Oh wait, who's this, it's a houseboy to add some of his paternal parmesan … I'm not gay, get it?”

Michele ends the video by thanking her supporters.

“Thank you everyone who supported me, except for those of you who voted for gay marriage. You're the reason that I'm leaving,” she says.

(Watch the farcical take on Michele Bachmann's real retirement at Funny or Die.)