Stephen Colbert's conservative character on Comedy Central's The Colbert Report was shocked to find out Oreos are gay.

After playing a news clip about the brand's recent posting of an image of a rainbow themed Oreo cookie in support of Gay Pride, Colbert gasped, “Good God, Oreos are gay! And the things I've done with them.”

“All those nights lying in bed grabbing four or five in my mouth at once. Splitting them open and licking their cream off.”

“Folks, I should have known something was fishy when these homosnackuals got me to accept consensual double stuffing. The only good thing about this is that with this action Kraft has finally proven what I have always said: There is nothing in America that can escape the gravitational pull of our culture wars.”

Colbert went on to lament what a fool he was for not realizing sooner the socio-sexual identity politics of his favorite cookie. (Watch the entire segment at Colbert Nation.)

(Realted: Gay Oreo ad is “fun reflection of our values,” Kraft says.)